Rediscovering the life I love(d) to live

Recently I have started re-evaluating my life and the way I have been living it for the last 10 years or so. In all fairness I should probably say “the way I lived my whole adolescent and adult life to date”, with a brief interjection when I quit my corporate job at Ericsson and turned dive bum in Khao Lak for a year (02/2004-2005). My whole life I have been the “good girl”. The one that makes all the right and smart choices, for all the right reasons. Constantly striving, achieving, always doing what is best in the long run…. Never giving myself a chance to live life here and now. Never doing what makes me truly happy and what I am passionate about. And those are not violins you hear in the background by the way. These statements are merely facts, not self-pity.

Well, I shouldn’t say I haven’t done anything that makes me happy, because I do love my work and the chess game that corporate politics basically are. I get off on the challenge for sure. But it is a bit like a drug addiction where the high is great and flighty and the periods in between can be long and low. All the focus on work, the career, the “smart and sensible thing to do” has gradually but steadily taken over my life and it has gotten to the point where it has become my entire life. I’ve always worked hard and I probably always will and there is nothing wrong with that. But there has to be some level of balance. What that balance is, or the ideal ratio between “work” and “life”, varies between people. Most people will tell you that they work to live rather than live to work but I never have, and possibly never will, see it that way because it is not how I am wired. But I always used to make room for my greatest passions in life: Traveling. Food. Diving

And writing.

Not that long ago, I met someone who reminded me of those passions. And who has inspired me to make more room for those things in my life again. I will always be eternally grateful for that. So I guess the least I can do is dedicate this blog to them.

Part of not making room for those passions anymore had to do with confidence I am starting to realise, or lack thereof more accurately. I am not sure why I lost so much of my confidence and independence over the years, because on the work side of things I sure have had more confirmation and success in the last 5 years, than in the previous 10. Was it a result of my marriage and the unhealthy relationship with my ex-husband? Or was it the increasing loneliness after the divorce, that eventually turned into almost complete isolation that did it? I don’t know and one of the things I am starting to learn in life is that it actually doesn’t matter ‘why’. There isn’t much benefit in dwelling on all the reasons for everything but much better to put your energy into moving forward, evolving and changing things for the better.

So, last week I did it. Instead of going back to Sweden as planned, to schlepp across half the country to meet and accommodate everyone else’s schedule, I went on a trip on my own again! To a new country, randomly picked because of its weather and “divability”. And it was amazing. It made me rediscover all those passions I had temporarily lost: Traveling. Food. Diving.

And by re-launching this blog of mine  I am hoping that I will also make more time for the fourth of my big passions in life: Writing. About…. You got it: Traveling. Food. And diving.

Let’s see how it goes.

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6 thoughts on “Rediscovering the life I love(d) to live

  1. En fundering – Tyvarr tror jag att bekrafelse pa jobbet inte bygger upp sjalvkanslan, snarare tvartom. Det blir en kortvarig kick som gor att man soker och jobbar annu hardare pa att fa nasta bekraftelse. Sjalvkanslan av att duga hamnar i skuggan av sjalvfortoendet att kunna leverera.

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    1. Tack för att du läser – och lämnar en kommentar! Jag bloggade ju mycket förr, under många år, och för mig har det till viss del alltid känts terapeutiskt. När jag satte samman mitt fotoalbum på resan förra veckan och skrev en del “dagbok” så kände jag hur mycket jag gillar det och hur bra jag mår när jag skriver. Så varför inte?

      Ang. jobb o bekräftelse: Där tror jag också att alla är olika, precis som med det där live to work/work to live-dilemmat. Men jag uppskattar ditt perspektiv och framför allt att du vill dela med dig med mig o alla andra.

      Här är förresten en bok jag läser just nu, om vikten av sårbarhet, effekten av skam och hur viktigt det är att våga öppna upp o dela med sig. Den talar också kort om de positiva effekterna av att skriva. Daring Greatly av Brené Brown.

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  2. Vet att du kräver minst 200% av dig på jobbet men du måste ha fritid också. Har läst din blogg och försår allt som du skriver. Dags att tänka på dig själv hjärtat och det verkar som om du äntligen börjat göra det, när du tog en dyksemester i Costa Rica. Fall inte tillbaka i gamla gängor – lämna ditt äktenskap bakom dig –
    du är värd mer än det äktenskapet. Älskar dig. mamma

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