Recently I have started re-evaluating my life and the way I have been living it for the last 10 years or so. In all fairness I should probably say “the way I lived my whole adolescent and adult life to date”, with a brief interjection when I quit my corporate job at Ericsson and turned dive bum in Khao Lak for a year (02/2004-2005). My whole life I have been the “good girl”. The one that makes all the right and smart choices, for all the right reasons. Constantly striving, achieving, always doing what is best in the long run…. Never giving myself a chance to live life here and now. Never doing what makes me truly happy and what I am passionate about. And those are not violins you hear in the background by the way. These statements are merely facts, not self-pity.
Well, I shouldn’t say I haven’t done anything that makes me happy, because I do love my work and the chess game that corporate politics basically are. I get off on the challenge for sure. But it is a bit like a drug addiction where the high is great and flighty and the periods in between can be long and low. All the focus on work, the career, the “smart and sensible thing to do” has gradually but steadily taken over my life and it has gotten to the point where it has become my entire life. I’ve always worked hard and I probably always will and there is nothing wrong with that. But there has to be some level of balance. What that balance is, or the ideal ratio between “work” and “life”, varies between people. Most people will tell you that they work to live rather than live to work but I never have, and possibly never will, see it that way because it is not how I am wired. But I always used to make room for my greatest passions in life: Traveling. Food. Diving
Not that long ago, I met someone who reminded me of those passions. And who has inspired me to make more room for those things in my life again. I will always be eternally grateful for that. So I guess the least I can do is dedicate this blog to them.
Part of not making room for those passions anymore had to do with confidence I am starting to realise, or lack thereof more accurately. I am not sure why I lost so much of my confidence and independence over the years, because on the work side of things I sure have had more confirmation and success in the last 5 years, than in the previous 10. Was it a result of my marriage and the unhealthy relationship with my ex-husband? Or was it the increasing loneliness after the divorce, that eventually turned into almost complete isolation that did it? I don’t know and one of the things I am starting to learn in life is that it actually doesn’t matter ‘why’. There isn’t much benefit in dwelling on all the reasons for everything but much better to put your energy into moving forward, evolving and changing things for the better.
So, last week I did it. Instead of going back to Sweden as planned, to schlepp across half the country to meet and accommodate everyone else’s schedule, I went on a trip on my own again! To a new country, randomly picked because of its weather and “divability”. And it was amazing. It made me rediscover all those passions I had temporarily lost: Traveling. Food. Diving.
And by re-launching this blog of mine I am hoping that I will also make more time for the fourth of my big passions in life: Writing. About…. You got it: Traveling. Food. And diving.
Let’s see how it goes.