So, I came back to Seattle today, after being in Sweden for a little over three weeks. And it’s not the first time, far from it, that I’ve been away for 2 or 3 weeks. And normally I get all strung up and stressed out when I’m about to go back. I start fretting and stressing over having to go back here… As you may have noticed I am not entirely “at home” in Seattle even though I have lived here for 6.5 years and own a home here.
But this time was different. In a good way! But also in a slightly weird way….
As always I did start feeling a bit irritable the last couple of days because I hate leaving my real friends and family to go back to being lonely here. But the good thing was that I wasn’t completely stressed, and I didn’t start feeling anxious, stressed or depressed over the fact. It was like I could sense, on an emotional level not the least, that while I am going back it is only a matter of time now, before I leave for good, to go home. So that was really good because who needs all the unnecessary emotional stress of being anxious and depressed, right?!
The really weird thing though was that as soon as I arrived in Seattle I felt a complete alien. I came into my neighbourhood and although it all felt very familiar, it was no longer “home”. It wasn’t “my hood” anymore. The same with my house: I walked through the door and it was all very familiar but it wasn’t “home”.
I saw familiar buildings, faces and places but I felt completely detached from them on an emotional level.
But it did not freak me out in any way! On the contrary, it made me feel very calm and at peace with my decision to leave and go back to Europe. I felt that it was the right decision I had made and that actually took away a lot of the hesitation and stress caused by “the unknown”. Because having been back for three weeks, spending more time with my “friemily” – the really close friends from many years ago that are in fact more family than friends – I have found my way home. I know where I need to be, with who, and why that is important to me.
I will lose a lot of money for sure, and it may cost me my dreams in the mid-term, but I am confident and I trust the universe enough, to know that if I focus on the now, and do what my gut tells me, it will actually be the best decision for my longer term future. You have to be in a place where you are happy – physical or mental – to be able to focus on and live in the now.
Because that is the only way to impact your future in the best possible way! You shape your future by being here, and by living in the now.
Not by beating yourself up over the past, or by worrying about the future. Be here. Be now. Find joy and contentment in everything and you will make better short term decisions, that in the long run will make you much happier.
With Loving Kindness,